Sach Ka Saamna

How many times does it happen to you that you want things in life which you don’t want to want. Is that too complex a sentence? Anyway, read it twice or maybe thrice, you’ll get it.

I am talking about attention. All my life I have told myself that I don’t like attention. Probably because I never liked desperate attempts of seeking attention. I told myself that people who delebrately do things to get it are shallow people. Maybe so, but maybe it has just been a fragment of my mind where the person in concern is doing something that I can’t. I am really in a mood to unlearn a lot and look at things from an alternate perspective. But lately I have realized I enjoy being the center of attention. For a very long time I couldn’t accept the fact that I want it. I don’t like the fact that I want it. And what does it signify? Am I running low on my supply of self-love or am I not sufficient enough for myself or am I just really really happy when I get that undivided attention.

And how did I get so morally evolved to push myself to not want it. I have always led a life by the parameter of moral guardrails and i further wish to continue doing this. But i believe sometimes we can let loose.

And why is no one talking about the fact that how beautiful attention is. I think it is the real currency of love. It is one thing that helps you create a planet of your own where you’re the hero. And I am not talking about only getting attention. What is that one thing that a hero has but no one else in the audience? Attention. And why did I make myself comfortable with the fact that I don’t want to feel like a hero. So here’s accepting shamelessly that I enjoy attention and would like to have it until and unless I become so hungry for it that I may end up doing absolutely henious and abominable things.

Originally published at https://shivalisharma.substack.com on June 26, 2022.